


You Don't Know

by OhsnapitsBellamy



Category: Bucky Barnes - Fandom, Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Arguing, Blood, Bullying, F/M, Fighting, Implied Bulimia, Loneliness, Mentions of Anixety Attacks, Mentions of insecurities, Moments of fluff, Mutant Powers, Sad, Sickness, enhanced!reader, forced throwing up, injuries, mentions of depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-14
Updated: 2019-07-20
Packaged: 2020-05-07 20:04:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 12,325
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19216549
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OhsnapitsBellamy/pseuds/OhsnapitsBellamy
Summary: Being the newest member of the team is always difficult, especially when you feel utterly alone. (the title comes from the song You Don’t Know by Katelyn Tarver)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This was written at a very mentally trying time for me and I was trying to find some outlet for all of it, so I wrote it into this. Please be aware of the portrayal of any of the characters in a negative light is NOT meant as hate and is purely used for an outlet to represent my dark thoughts and feelings at this period of my life.

 

Being the newest member of the Avengers was never easy, especially when that title came with also being the youngest to be living in the tower. Everyone always seemed to have something to say, whether it was about your age, the way you were dressed that day, or even your appearance. Normally the jokes only came every once in a while, but now they seemed like a regular occurrence. They could laugh off their words, and simply pat you on the back as everyone laughed, but for you, it wasn’t so easy.

Sighing, you dragged yourself from your room to the shared kitchen. To your amazement it was empty, you smiled to yourself as you made a cup of coffee in peace. You hummed to yourself as you mixed in your cream and sugar before turning around to be greeted with a very unhappy Natasha.

“Nat! Jeez, you could at least give a girl a warning before giving her a heart attack,” you joked trying to lighten the air, “Something wrong? Wait, no let me guess, Clint broke the espresso machine again? Tony’s going to kick his ass.” laughing you looked up at her again to see if her anger had wavered, but it remained.

“Did you forget that Rogers scheduled training for you this morning with me? You were supposed to start an hour ago.” Your eyes went wide as you sat your cup down, “Shoot, I’m so sorry let me go get changed and I’ll be right up okay?”

She huffed and grabbed your coffee from the counter, “You've already wasted an hour of my time, let's go.” She grabbed your wrist tightly and pulled you upstairs to the training room. When you entered you felt your cheeks begin to heat up in embarrassment as everyone turned to look at you, you shifted uncomfortably under everyone’s stares until Natasha summoned you into the boxing ring.

“First let's start with your punishment for being late for the third time to training this month, you’re going to spar with me for a half hour. No powers either.” She smirked as she pulled her hair back, you groaned quietly as you did the same, knowing this training session wasn’t going to be an easy one.

You were barely fifteen minutes in before you started panting, you had both landed a couple of good punches and kicks, but you both knew that Natasha was winning. Everyone had stopped their own training five minutes in, to come to watch the fight unfold, now they were openly placing bets on how long you’d made it. Tony had lost five minutes ago, along with Clint, while Steve, Sam, and Bruce were hoping you’d lasted another five minutes so they could collect their winnings. But, you noticed Bucky had simply shaken his head when asked if he wanted into the game and returned to the punching bag. Before another thought could cross your mind you felt a swift kick to the face, your body dropped instantly and your head met the floor with a loud thud. Within a few seconds, the shock wore off your body, and you were met with pain radiating from both sides of your head.

“Always keep your head in the game Y/N, or else you’ll always be just a B-List Avenger,” Nat smiled as she headed out of the ring, gaining the praises of the others. Closing your eyes, you remained where you had fallen for a few minutes until you felt someone carefully lift you. Opening your eyes you could see that it was Bucky.

“You almost had her you know?” His deep voice filled your ears as he continued to carry you into the elevator, “you just have to stay focused next time.” After a few moments of silence, you were at your room door. Bucky placed you on your feet as you muttered a small thank you.

“I’m not exactly sure there will be a next time Buck, might have to leave considering I may always just be a B-List Avenger.” You smiled sadly at him before shutting your door behind you. At the flip of the lock, you felt your tears begin to escape as you sink to the floor. Burying your head in your hands you sobbed, and this was the first time you felt utterly alone.

A few days after your training session the team’s jokes only got worse, now targeting your poor fighting skills and the lovely black and blue eye Nat had gifted you with a swift kick to the face. You managed to keep your head down and stay quiet as to not add fuel to the growing fire. You spent most of your time in your room painting, thinking about what Natasha had said to you a few days ago. Where you really just a B-List avenger to them?

“Y/N?” You jumped spilling black paint all over your canvas. You quickly grabbed the canvas trying to save your previously green landscape with an old shirt but, it was too late. You threw your shirt to the side and stood up, finally acknowledging the voice who’d caused this in the first place.

“What do you want Bucky?” You snapped as you started to clean yourself off.

“Steve wants you up in the conference room, something about needing you on a mission.” He mumbled, “sorry about your painting doll..” You waved away his apology and sighed.

“It's alright really, I should have been more careful. I’ll be right up okay?” You gave him a reassuring smile as he left. Once your door finally clicked shut it felt like your heart drop. Steve wanted you for a mission, but what if you messed up? What if you hurt someone? What if someone on the team got hurt because of your mistake? What if-

“Miss Y/N? Mr. Rogers has requested your presence in the conference room.”

“Thank you F.R.I.D.A.Y, please tell Mr. Rogers I am on my way now.” You changed swiftly, before closing your eyes and teleporting yourself outside the room. You squealed to yourself as you flung open the door, “did you guys see that! I got myself up here, Wanda’s training is working!” You flopped yourself down on a chair and glanced at Steve, who shot you a disapproving look before tossing a file your way.

“Wanda said no powers until you’re finished training Y/N, forget it. Listen we need you for this mission because your small and can go into places unnoticed. You won’t be needing to use your powers though, so don’t even think about it. Your mission is to grab three USBs stored in the facility” He said shooting a pointed look at you, “Bucky and I will there to accompany you in order to be a distraction against any hostiles, if we are engaged you are not to fight alongside us.”

“Then what exactly should I do? Sit and wait until you two boys are done playing war?” You said glancing over the papers.

“Exactly. You get what we need, and get out. We take off in half an hour, be ready and meet us at the hanger.” Steve smiled, “Welcome to your first mission kiddo. I’ll see you soon.” He winked at you before heading out with Bucky in tow.

You took a deep breath and stood. The half-hour you had to prepare felt like it went by within thirty seconds. You’d been standing in the Quinjet hanger for fifteen minutes, making sure your uniform was perfect. Every zipper was checked three times, shoelaces tied and retied again and again. Your mind was racing but your thoughts were all blank. The ride to the location was silent, when Bucky and Steve arrived at the hanger the both gave you a reassuring smile but neither of them spoke, sensing your nerves. You knew your mind should be on the mission but it felt like it was miles away. You’d barely even noticed when the jet touched down, Bucky patted your shoulder quietly as you snapped out of your own little world.

“Showtime Doll, let’s get moving.” Standing, you followed the pair of super soldiers out into the cold. Get in, get out, get in, and get out, the words echoed in your head as Steve nodded you forward. Infiltrating the HYDRA bases was the easy part, you were agile and could easily make yourself fit into smaller spaces, therefore going unnoticed. Within five minutes you made it to your destination, but the room was full of agents.

“That distraction would be good right about now boys, I need this room clear.”

“Coming right up!” Bucky responded first with the sound of bullets following within seconds. You could hear the shouts of the other agents from down the corridor, and you kneeled to hide as the men in the office began to pour out. Once the footsteps of the men no longer echoed through the hallway you slipped into the small office. You made your way around the desk, searching for the USBs. You found two of them shoved in the back of the last drawer and smiled to yourself. You ripped your way through the others again and frowned as the third one was nowhere to be found. You shuffled your hands through the files on the desktop before your eyes caught sight of it plugged into the small laptop. After swiping your finger across the touchpad to awaken the screen you noticed more files being downloaded. Refusing to risk the date you grabbed the entire computer and ran out of the room. By the time you had reached the exit you could see more HYDRA agents pouring in, you could tell that Steve and Bucky were still busy through the grunts on the com. Quietly you concealed yourself and closed your eyes as you began to focus on your breathing. You began imagining standing in the quinjet, and when you opened your eyes again you smiled as you realized it had worked.

“Steve! Bucky! Let's go, I’ve got what we came for a more. I’m already in the quinjet.” You smirked, god you couldn’t wait to see the looks on there faces after this.

“Not so fast their princess, we are in a bit of a dilemma. Steve’s been hit, he’s fine just a bit stunned but we are cornered.”

“Hold on Bucky, I’ll be right there don’t move.” You sprinted towards there last location, ignoring Steve’s previous orders to leave them behind. When the pair came into sight you could see they were surrounded, without a thought you raised your hands using your powers to create a shield around them. You watched as the bullet ricocheted off, bouncing back and killing some of the men.

“Bucky move, I can keep my shield around you as you help Steve back to the jet. Hurry... I’m not sure how long I can hold it.” He obeyed, running quickly, helping Steve along the way.

“Alright, we are safe, now get your ass back here.” Dropping your arms you ran as fast as you could to the jet, but you were weak. Your powers had drained your energy quickly and you could feel your legs begging to give out beneath you. You were so close to the door when you felt a burning pain radiate from your shoulder, you’d been shot, but there was no time to cry about it now. All of you needed to leave before things got worse.

“I’m here! Go!” You yelled to Bucky as you made your way to the passenger seat. Your eyes scanned a passed out Steve, who was strapped into one of the seats, not seeing any visible injuries you sighed in relief.

“What happened to him?” You asked, slipping into the seat beside Bucky, still applying pressure to your wound.

“I’m pretty sure they just stunned him but it was pretty powerful. Knocked him right off his feet, we never would’ve made it out. You saved our asses back there Y/N, thank you. I owe you one.” He smiled and you could feel your heart skip a beat, but your mind was thrust back into the moment as you became lightheaded. Looking down at your shoulder you could see your hand was covered in blood, and you felt yourself fading fast.

“Can I c-cash that favor in now, b-because I think I-i’m gonna pass out, Buck..” A coppery taste filled your mouth as your eyes met his, and you let your arm drop to your lap. Bucky’s movements then became a blur, you tried fighting your suddenly heavy eyelids as you felt a cool metal brush against your face.

“Y/N! Hey, sweetheart, stay awake for me, please. Come on look at me, you can’t fall asleep okay? We will be at the tower soon, can you just hang on for a little bit more?” You could hear the panic in his voice, and you were fighting to stay for him. But soon enough, his words faded, and you succumbed to the darkness.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After your injury, things begin to take a turn for the worse as you deal with the repercussions of your actions. (Mentions of purging in this chapter, please be warned)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was written at a very mentally trying time for me and I was trying to find some outlet for all of it, so I wrote it into this. Please be aware of the portrayal of any of the characters in a negative light is NOT meant as hate and is purely used for an outlet to represent my dark thoughts and feelings at this period of my life.

 

When you finally came to you could make out the sounds of machines beeping, and the soft snores of someone? Squinting, you opened your eyes to figure out who was by your side. Locks of brown hair tickled your forearm, as you took in the sight of a very sleepy super soldier resting his head on your bed, with his hand in yours. You shifted trying to get closer but your body disagreed, sending shooting pain down your wrapped shoulder and arm that was now held up in a sling. Tears trickled out of your arms as you gave a squeeze Bucky’s hand, startling him awake. His eyes went wide as he realized you were awake and a smile spread across his face.

“I-i’m sorry for that Buck, b-but I could really use a decent pain killer right now.” Nodding he raced out to the hall, you listened as his voice echoed through med bay.

“Steve! Bruce! She’s awake! Everybody, she’s up!” You smiled to yourself at his words and looked around expecting the room to be full of balloons, and flowers. But, instead, the room remained bare. You thought back to when Wanda was injured on a mission, her powers were sapped from her and she was out for nearly a week. You made sure when she woke up she felt nothing but love, and with the help of the others, you filled her room to the brim with roses. They didn’t care did they, you thought to yourself. No. Of course, they cared! Maybe you weren’t out as long as Wanda was, maybe it had only been a few hours since you returned. Maybe they simply didn’t have enough time to bring you anything yet, smiling to yourself you continued to think positive. When Bucky finally came back to your room, he only had Steve and Bruce behind him, where was everyone else?

“Good to see your awake Y/N, it’s been a very scary week for us,” Bruce said, shining a light in your eyes before he moved on examining your other functions. Once he cleared you of any other damage he peeled back your wraps to take a look at your scar. “You scar is healing quite well now that we got your infection under control, and your arm will fully heal in a few weeks with your powers. I’ll return with some pain killers in a few minutes, but she’s all yours Rogers.” He gave you a sad smile before leaving the room.

“Here to thank me for saving you, Cap?” You winked at Bucky before meeting Steve’s eyes, and you could tell that your joke didn’t go over well with him.

“What the hell were you thinking? Did you not remember anything I told you before the mission started? You were not to engage the agents, at all and you were specifically told not to use your powers! And now because you didn’t listen you wound up here, nearly dying twice.”

“What, did you really expect me to leave you and Bucky pinned down behind enemy lines?! I’m not some sick fuck who just abandons two of her team members when they need her. So what if I used my powers? I used them to get you and Bucky out of there, I don’t care that I’m here, I care that the two of you aren’t in body bags!” You yelled, and the beeping on your heart monitor began to gain speed. You could feel Bucky’s hand gently rubbing your arm in an effort to calm you down, but it was of no use.

“It wouldn’t matter if we weren’t in body bags, because you almost put yourself in one! You’re worthless to this team if you can’t take orders! And until you learn to do so you’re benched from all missions, hell you’re banned from training even.” He bellowed, and your eyes went wide letting his words sink in. You opened your mouth to fight back, but you bit your tongue.

“Steve, come on that’s a litt-” Bucky began, still shocked at Steve’s words.

“Y-yes, sir.” You bit your tears back as you cut him off, “if you don’t mind, I’d like to be alone.” You kept your head down as Steve turned to leave.

“Let’s go, Buck, we’ve got a meeting.”

“I think I’ll stay if you want me Doll?” He bent down, his eyes searching for your approval. Quietly you nodded him away, “Go.” Keeping your head down you listened as the footsteps faded.

”F.R.I.D.A.Y? Please only allow Mr. Banner to visit me, no one else.”

“Yes Ms. Y/L/N.”

Cutting Bucky off was for the best, you couldn’t live with yourself if you came between him and Steve. You disobeyed orders, and Steve was right, you were worthless. Unable to do anything right, you couldn’t focus and you couldn’t keep your emotions out of the mission. You’d brought this upon yourself, you deserved to be benched. Wiping the tears from your face, you sat in silence, allowing the dull ache of being alone to wash over you once again.

The next three weeks were quiet, Bruce only stopped by a few times a day to bring you food, medication, and to check on your healing progress. You’d check in daily with F.R.I.D.A.Y to see if anyone had made an effort to come to visit, in the beginning, Bucky tried every day, but by the second week, he’d abandoned the thought. Wanda tried once and you had allowed her in, you expected a hug or at least a smile. But, instead, she simply asked if she could borrow one of your dresses for a date with Vision. You simply answered with a yes and she didn’t bother to stick around long after, she shot you a quick thank you as she dashed out and that was it. When you had been released Bruce went over a physical therapy plan for you before sending you back on your way. You were just going to head to your room and continue your stance of ignoring everyone when your stomach grumbled. Your body was craving real food, you reluctantly made your way past everyone’s rooms hoping they were anywhere than here. The tension you held in faded when you found the kitchen empty, you began to make yourself a sandwich when you felt the hairs on your neck begin to stand. Someone was in the room, watching you quietly. You continued as if you hadn’t noticed anything, grabbing a small knife from the drawer you turned slinging it at the intruder.

“Whoa! It’s just me Y/N, Sam! I mean I know you haven’t seen me in weeks but do I really look that different?” He glanced at the knife that was now embedded in the back of the couch before pulling it out and handing it back to you.

“Shoot, I’m so sorry Sam. I just thought I was alone…”

“Well, I’m lucky you’ve got awful aim or I would’ve had that little thing in my shoulder right now.” He said chuckling, “Everyone’s out on mission except for you, me, and Brucie.”

“Oh, why did you stay behind?” You questioned, wondering if they had left him behind to keep an eye on you. When it took him a few seconds to answer you knew you were right, sighing you finished your sandwich before grabbing some other things to snack on from the pantry.

“Listen, Bucky asked me to keep an eye on you... You hadn’t spoken to him in weeks and he is worried. And hey it’s a good thing they left me here, who else would stop you from eating us out of house and home.” Laughing, he plucked a bag of chips out of your hands and he patted your stomach. “I don’t think you’ll need these.”

His words echoed in your mind as he disappeared to return the chips to the shelf. He thought you were fat, you’d known you had gained some weight being laid up in bed but was it really that much? And if he noticed so quickly everyone else would too. Leaving your food on the counter you sprinted back to your room, ignoring Sam’s calls. Slamming your door shut you stripped yourself of your shirt and shorts, and began to examine yourself in your bathroom mirror. Your eyes immediately hit the angry red scar that stood out against your pale skin, they then traveled down to your the lingering stretch marks across your stomach. Softly you dragged your fingers across, pinching at the now extra pudge that accumulated near your panty line.

“F.R.I.D.A.Y, how much weight have I gained since I entered Medbay?”

“Fifteen pounds and you lost about 2 pounds of muscle mass.” Sniffling you dropped to your knees as you watched your tears hit the floor, you rocked yourself back and forth as you felt the familiar pang in your stomach. Your sobs then became louder, causing your whole body to convulse. Your breaths became more ragged until finally, you threw yourself over the toilet, emptying out the contents of your already empty stomach. Panting you leaned back against the wall behind you as the tears began to flow once more.

You lost track of how long you sat there on the cold tile floor, but still, you remained listening to your thoughts echoing through your head.

You hadn’t left your room in a week when F.R.I.D.A.Y woke you from your sleep.

“Ms. Y/L/N, Mr. Stark has requested your presence in the lab. He also wanted to inform you that Mr. Parker is here.”

“Thank you F.R.I.D.A.Y, please tell Mr. Stark I’ll be there in a few moments.”

Weakly, you pushed yourself out of bed and pulled a sweater over your head as you grabbed your sweatpants. You had been eating less over the past few days and refusing to have contact with anyone. But, Stark knew you had a weak spot for Peter, ever since the two of you had met you made a promise to look out for him. He was just a kid, a few years younger than you and he reminded you of your young foster brother who had died a few years back. Flipping your hood up you left your room and made a beeline for the elevator as you heard footsteps coming from around the corner.

“Y/N!” Bucky’s voice caused you to tense, he couldn’t see you like this. Quickly, you hit the close door button and held it in as he picked up speed. Thankfully, the door closed just before he could reach you, as you moved upwards the sigh escaped your lips. Straightening your sweater you tried to relax, and when the door opened you plastered a smile on your face and made your way to Peter. When you entered the workspace you couldn’t help but smile at his concentration face.

“Did I hear that a certain special little spider is in the building?” You let out a small giggle as he jumped to race over to you. He wrapped his arms around you tightly and hoisted you up into the air.

“Y/N! How’s my favorite unofficial sister?” Once he placed you back down he stepped back his eyes scanning over you. Shifting uncomfortably you moved out of his line of sight, heading over to his work station.

“What are you working on?” Your eyes processed the scene in front of you, the workbench was a mess of different tools and separate schematics. Peter returned to his seat as he began to explain his process of enhancing his web shooters, but he couldn’t figure out the proper counter balance in order to help the web come out straighter.

“Well, I’m sure that we can figure it out together spidey.” The two of you spent the next few hours sifting through the papers and continued with countless tests. Your hands were covered in the white residue that the teen specialized in making, and the two of you were running on fumes as you tried to stay focused.

“God this is so stupid! Why can’t we just figure this out?” Peter huffed, throwing aside his tools. You watched as he stomped around the lab running his hands through his hair.

“Come on P, we will figure this out. Just sit down and we will keep working, we always figure things out don’t we?” You smiled at him, hoping it would calm him but instead it only fueled his anger.

“Yeah that’s easy for you to say we will figure this out, you have just sat there for hours and have done nothing! You shuffled through some papers and gave me a suggestion here and there but otherwise, you’ve been useless to me! I don’t even know why I asked Tony to call you up here, I should’ve listened to him when he said you weren’t doing well…at anything.” Rolling his eyes, he turned away from you slamming his hands on the desk. You remained quiet, still stunned at the teens' outburst.

“I-I'll go, Peter, my apologies for not being of any use to you.” Wiping your eyes gathered yourself together as you left the lab, heading to the roof. Shivering, you pulled your sweater around you tightly as you made your way to the railing. The familiar city sounds were toned down by the hard wind, whistling its way around the different buildings. You remained quiet as your tears fell, and a chill ran through your body. But you only felt empty. Even when you didn’t have anyone you knew you had Peter, but you’d proven yourself worthless to him too. What even was the point anymore?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> plz leave comments they are literally what I thrive off of :)


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An incident at the tower, after an emotional night, causes an argument between you and Bucky. Leading you to question your place in the Avengers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was written at a very mentally trying time for me and I was trying to find some outlet for all of it, so I wrote it into this. Please be aware of the portrayal of any of the characters in a negative light is NOT meant as hate and is purely used for an outlet to represent my dark thoughts and feelings at this period of my life.

 

You didn’t know how long you’d been up on the roof, the only sense of time passing you felt was the chill spreading throughout your body every time a gust of wind blew. Eventually, you allowed your legs to carry you back to your room, weaving silently through the halls so not to disturb anyone. You felt numb as you entered your room, your mind tossed around the thought that it was only from the cold but you knew better. Pulling off your sweater you slipped into an old t-shirt and some shorts before you sink into your covers. As your blankets settled, you curled into yourself, letting your tears come to you once again. Your chest ached as your sobs grew louder, the sound of your own hiccups overtook your ears, and everything hit you at once. Every negative thought, everything anyone had ever said about you entered your mind. You remained like this for a while, until your tears turned into soft snores against your stained pillows and your mind drifted off into dreams.

* * *

 

_When your eyes opened again you squinted at the small pieces of lighting in the relatively dark area, you glanced down at your glove-covered hands and recognized that you were in your own suit. Your eyes then settled on the scene around you, you recognized it as the HYDRA base you had helped Bucky and Steve escape from just some weeks ago. Quietly, you made your way down the bleak looking hallway until Clint’s voice coming through the earpiece tore you from your confused thoughts._

_“Y/N! Help please, its Natasha they’ve shot her, I can’t leave her and if you don’t get down here neither of us are going to make it out.” Widening your eyes you sprinted towards to the middle of the walkway in front you, searching for any sight of the pair in the open warehouse, when another voice broke through the static. Gunshots followed the voice through the coms and you could hear them echoing through the large compound as Sam started to talk._

_“Don’t go to them Y/N please, Wanda and Tony need you! I can’t get to them, they shot out my wings and we are stuck hiding behind some equipment. Tony’s suit is damaged pretty badly and they messed with Wanda’s head! I can’t help them both. I need you.” Your mind was racing, everyone needed you, but you couldn’t be in those two places at once. Making up your mind you chose Clint, you knew Sam had a gun and would be able to hold his own for now, you just hoped it would be long enough for you to save the archer and the assassin._

_“Sam, hold them off! I’ll get Nat and Clint taken care of quick and then I’ll be there.” He grunted a simple fine through the coms and you resumed your search for Clint and Natasha. Once you spotted them you jumped from the walkway down to the next level, weaving through the rows of machinery and smashing through the dead ends that were blocked off by boxes. When the pair came into your sights the agents of HYDRA did as well, you used your powers to smash them together, another you flung out a window nearby and within minutes the threat against them was neutralized. Clint nodded thankfully in your direction as he carried Natasha back toward the quinjet. Smiling, you turned to make your way to Sam when Steve’s voice flowed in your ears._

_“Y/N...they’ve got Buck.” The painful tone in his voice echoed the pain that entered your chest when you heard his words. “He needs you.” At that moment everything felt as if it were in slow motion, your heart sunk to the depths of your stomach. HYDRA had him again, they had your Bucky and you knew if they had him any longer he would never be your Bucky again._

_“They took him to the basement, I’ll go help Sam and the others..please bring him back Y/N, you’re the only one who can.” Since your joining the Avengers, this was the first time you’d heard Steve sound so helpless. You hadn’t even bothered to return an answer as you sprinted towards the back staircase, you dodged bullets and items thrown your way by the other HYDRA agents that remained in the room. Using your powers you ripped the door from its hinges and made your way down the stairs. When you finally made it to the basement you could already hear Bucky’s screams echoing off the walls that sent a pang of hurt through your chest._

_“Bucky! I’m coming... I’m coming!” You bolted towards his cries, as you burst into the room your stomach sank at the scene of Bucky strapped into the all to the familiar electric chair in the middle of an otherwise empty room. As you took a step forward his eyes shot up, meeting yours._

_“Don’t come any closer! It's a trap Y/N, please you have to get out of here and take the others. There is a bomb, you only have a few minutes!” The look of desperation on his face killed you inside._

_“Buck..I-I can’t just leave you here. I won’t leave you here!” You huffed taking another step towards him when you felt the tile beneath your foot sink, and an eerie clicking noise followed. Freezing, you realized that you must have stepped on the bombs trigger plate, you knew any small movement of your weight would bring the entire building down with your team inside. Quietly, you glanced up at Bucky, who now had an empty look in his eyes. A dark chuckle left his lips as he ripped his restraints off with one easy tug, before making his way over to you._

_“Oh, what a doll, so blinded by her love for her precious Bucky she didn’t even notice he was already gone.” Smirking, he placed a finger underneath your chin forcing your eyes to meet his. “To bad you’re about to die, you would’ve been a mighty good side piece for me.” He patted your cheek softly as he made his way out the back door. You could feel your tears beginning to run down your face as you listened to his boots walk away, as you reached up to radio the others an object hit you from behind throwing you to the floor. Your hands flew to shield yourself from blast you knew was coming as you closed your eyes once again. After a few moments had passed you opened your eyes and now noticed you were now outside the compound in the snow. Various pieces of shrapnel were scattered around you as you stood, assessing the damage of the area. You pressed your finger to your com and was merely met with silence, scanning the snow you nervously looked around for your team and hoped they were all alive. Slowly, you made your way through the field praying for a sign of anyone, and that is when you noticed Steve’s shield in the distance to your left._

_“Steve! Hey, Steve!” Making your way over you moved a metal beam that pinned the shield to the ground and gently lifted the weapon. Underneath lay Sam, Wanda, and Steve, blood covered each of their faces. Your hand raised itself to your mouth as you held back a sob, tears falling onto the snow, looking around you could see Tony’s damaged suit a few feet away. Lowering your fallen friends shield to the ground you rounded the shrapnel mound to see Tony holding Natasha in his arms, with a very pale looking Clint lying motionless beside the two._

_“T-tony..” You dropped to your knees beside him and pressed your hand to his back._

_“Don’t touch me!” He growled, you flinched moving your hand away as his anger fueled eyes turned towards you. “You did this! You killed them all Y/N! Steve believed in you, everyone believed in you to save Bucky and get them all out of that building! Natasha’s dead, Steve’s dead, Wanda and Sam are dead! Clint’s dead! He had a wife and kids, Y/N! And now they don’t have him anymore because of you! Everyone is dead and you killed them!” He shouted, tears cascading down his face. “And quite frankly I wish you had killed me too!”_

_“No! That wasn’t me...There was a bomb! Tony, please.. you don’t mean that.” Sobbing you tried to reason with the man in front of you and your own mind. “It wasn’t me! Please! It wasn’t me!” Your vision began to blur as tears clouded your eyes until your eyes closed once more._

* * *

 

This time when you woke up sirens were sounding, flashing lights lit up your previously dark room and you could feel cold gusts of air hitting your face. Tears pooled at your eyes and your hands were trembling. When you finally opened your eyes and sat up you could see the entire team standing in front of you looking a range of emotions. Most were very tired expressions, a few faces looked concerned but the overwhelming emotion you were welcomed with was anger. Taking in the sights around you, your room looks as if it has been through a war. Your shelves were cleared of all of your things and knocked over, all the lightbulbs in your vanity were shattered, along with your tv which was now ripped from the wall. The bedside lamps that once sat beside you were now toppled over, clothes were thrown around the room, and your sheets were now on the floor. Finally, your head turned toward the wall of windows you had once had, all were now doorways to the cold January night, letting in the brisk New York air. Glass littered the floor surrounding your bed, and you could see some pieces were lodged in your formerly pristine lilac walls.

“F.R.I.D.A.Y shut off the alarms, and get the iron legion down here to replace Y/N’s windows.” Tony huffed before stomping out of the room, Bruce followed after along with Clint.

“Guys.. please I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you. It was just this nightmare and it...it felt so real.” Natasha simply rolled her eyes at your explanation and stomped out of the room, Steve following soon behind leaving just Bucky and Wanda. The witch was the first to reach out, taking a few steps toward you before stopping just short of your bed.

“You told me you had your nightmares under control Y/N...” She shook her head in disappointment as she watched the legion begin installing your new windows. “This sets you back months in training. We will begin tomorrow I just.. we will just start everything over.”  Sighing, she left, leaving you and Bucky in silence. You hang your head in shame as your tears began to fall. You could practically feel his pity for you coming off him in waves.

“P-please don’t..” Your voice was hoarse as you watched your tears create small dots on your bedding. Taking in a deep breath you looked up letting your eyes meet his, the sadness that hung in that air was evident to the both of you.

“Y/N, please... I can help you.” He took a step closer before you raised your hand forming a shield around yourself, preventing him from coming journeying any farther. “Doll, I know there’s been some distance between us lately but I can help. Please just let me.” You could feel his hand pressing against your safety bubble. The pity dripping from his voice only fueled your embarrassment, which stemmed into anger.

“Leave me alone Bucky.” Your sharp words cut through the air like a knife, directed at the brunette in front of you. He seemed stunted by your reaction at first, but his resolve remained.

“No! I’m not going to leave until you let me know what I’ve done to deserve you deserting me as a friend!” He bellowed back.

Clenching your fist you thrust your hand forward throwing him back into your wall. Your face remained stoic as you watched him rise to his feet in silence, your eyes followed his body as he made his way to your door but he turned back to face you one last time before leaving.

“You wanna be alone Y/N? Well, you got it.” And with that he was gone, taking with him your last reason to stay. A soft cry left your mouth as you used your powers to slam and lock the door behind him, the shield around you began to fade as your body shook. Small whimpers escaped your mouth as you stood from your bed carelessly stepping on the glass that surrounded you, hoping maybe you should force yourself to feel something more than this dull, empty void. The pain you felt radiating your feet was nothing compared to the pain that had built up inside you over the last couple months. Silently you began to pack, first your clothes, then your photos, finishing it off with the small trinkets that remained unshattered from your nightmare episode. Zipping up the two small bags you tossed them beside your bed, moving to allow the iron legion to finish repairing the damage to your room. Quietly you pulled a notebook from your nightstand and penned a letter to each member of the team, saving Bucky’s for last.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> plz leave comments they are literally what I thrive off of :)


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You pen a final letter to each of your former teammates in hopes they can understand why you decided to leave, unfortunately, one member doesn't take the news very well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was written at a very mentally trying time for me and I was trying to find some outlet for all of it, so I wrote it into this. Please be aware of the portrayal of any of the characters in a negative light is NOT meant as hate and is purely used for an outlet to represent my dark thoughts and feelings at this period of my life.

 

By the time you had completed each letter a hue of light pink covered the early morning sky. You took your time carefully sliding each one into separate envelopes, before scribbling the names of your former team members on the outside. Sighing, you sealed all the letters but took one last glance over Bucky’s, making sure it was perfect.

“It's better this way...” You mumbled quietly, hoping that once you spoke the words out loud that you wouldn’t continue to second guess yourself in your head. Silently, you let your eyes scan over the series of white rectangles in front of you, each holding a part of the feelings you’d had over these past couple months. You’d selected every sentence and every word so carefully as to not hurt the others feelings, but you made it clear enough so hopefully, they would understand why you had to go.

“They’ll be okay..they’ll all be better without you...B-but..” Sniffling, you cursed at your mind for it trying to talk you out of leaving. You knew what you had to do, and you knew that you had to be strong to do it. They didn’t need you anymore, and you knew it. Staying behind would not only be a waste of your time but theirs as well. They had places to be, and people to save, you simply didn’t. Laying back you stared at the empty white ceiling above you running through a list of reasons in your head, before eventually allowing your eyes to close. 

When you awoke again the formerly dim pink sky was now a lovely light blue, and the sun hung proudly in the sky. You glanced at your phone clocking the time at 1:30 in the afternoon, walking to your door you quietly peaked your head and assessed the area. The others doors were closed but assumed everyone was already awake. Either already training or lounging somewhere within the town. Shutting your door, you turned back softly clutching the eight letters to your chest as you grabbed your bags.

“F.R.I.D.A.Y? Where is everyone?”

“Everyone left this morning for a mission, except fo-”

“Yes I know except for me, that will be all F.R.I.D.A.Y. Thank you.”  Perfect. You knew now was the time you would be able to make a clean break, simply slipping out without a trace, you figured it may be days before anyone would notice the lack of your presence.“F.R.I.D.A.Y, please have the legion empty the room of my belongings once I leave.”

“Shall I inform Mr. Stark that you will be needing new things?” You shook your head silently and took one last look at your room that you had called home for the past year.

“No F.R.I.D.A.Y, give him my thanks though.” Slinging both bags over your shoulder you walked out of your room and began to slip each envelope carefully under their respective owners' doors. When you finally made it to Bucky’s door you placed a light kiss on the envelope before sliding it under. Flipping your hood up you kept your head down as you made your way through the tower avoiding all cameras until finally, you made it down to the busy street where you slipped into the crowd and blended in unnoticed.

* * *

 

_**Bucky’s POV**_

After the previous night’s incident had occurred, Bucky had decided to stay behind from the mission and keep a watchful eye over you. He knew that you hadn’t meant to hurt him last night, you were just embarrassed and in such a vulnerable state and he understood what you were feeling. Plus, he wanted to apologize for the comment he had made. After strolling around the tower in search of you he summoned F.R.I.D.A.Y to do a quick scan of your room. This revealing that you were indeed still asleep. He smiled at the security footage as he watched your chest rise and fall, he was relieved to see at you such peace. Quietly, he made himself a cup of coffee before heading down to the training room for a few hours, taking his minor frustrations out on the punching bag before him. By the time he finished his normal workout, he was dripping in sweat, glancing at the clock he noticed it was now a little past noon so he decided to call it a day and return to his room to shower.

“F.R.I.D.A.Y, update on Y/N?”

“She is still asleep Mr. Barnes, would you like me to inform you of any changes?” The AI answered back. Bucky stood thinking for a single moment before shaking his head no.

“No thank you F.R.I.D.A.Y, update me on her status in a few hours.” He quietly pulled off his sneakers and headed into the bathroom. He stripped carefully trying to avoid the dark purple bruise that hung in the middle of his back, wincing as he tugged his tank top off. Looking in the mirror his eyes ghosted over the odd shape and he sighed, knowing he shouldn’t have pushed you to open up so quickly. But, because he did, he’d ended up with this and he knew that he deserved it. Stepping into the shower he hissed as the hot water ran over his body but eventually his tension eased as the water soothed his aching muscles.

Once he finished, he wrapped a towel around his waist and made his way over to the closet to change. Slipping on some sweats, he tossed his towel to the side before noticing a white envelope that poked out from underneath his door. Picking it up he recognized your handwriting on the outside, and pulled the paper from inside. Sitting down on his bed, he gently unfolded the letter and began to read.

_“Bucky,_

_I’m sorry for everything. I’m sorry for how things have been ever since I was shot. You tried to be there for me and all I have done is push you away, but please know it was the best thing I could’ve done, for the both of us. It was better for me to distance myself from you than risk bringing you down with me. I couldn’t make myself the reason you and Steve began to argue again so I cut you off, I did my best to avoid you throughout the compound, and I shoved you out when you were just trying to help me cope with my nightmares. All those things were never meant to hurt you or me, they were meant to keep us safe. But, every time I pushed you away my heart ached, wishing I’d pulled you closer instead. I love you so much that it takes my breath away whenever you walk in the room, and I struggle to find words whenever I hear you mention my name. I hate the fact that I get butterflies whenever you look at me because you deserve so much better. You deserve someone just as heroic as you, you deserve someone who isn’t damaged goods like I am. You deserve someone who can love you with their whole heart, instead of someone who can’t even afford to love them self. I tried to stay, I really did Buck. I tried to stay strong for you, you were the last real thing holding me here. But, after last night I realized that I couldn’t push you away and want you at the same time. So, I’m sorry but I can’t stay. I can’t be here anymore, I can’t listen to one more snide comment from Nat, or Tony. I can’t bear to see the disappointment in Steve and Wanda’s eyes. I can’t stand to be alone anymore. Please don’t try and find me, please just let me be gone. It’ll be much better for everyone in the long run if I just go. Forgive me Bucky, maybe I’ll see you again someday soon._

_Love, Y/N.”_

As he reached the end of the page some of his tears had already begun to smudge the words where they had fallen. He couldn’t believe you actually felt like this, you were the farthest thing from a problem to him. He never had a chance to tell you how he really felt, and here all in one sitting he found out that you loved him too, but you thought he needed someone better. Burying his head in his hands he cried, his chest ached as his loud sobs shook his whole body. Was he really all to blame for this? Was he the reason that you left? After a few minutes, he gathered himself, with a million thoughts running through his mind. Had he been the only one to receive a note? Or did the others get their own too?

“F.R.I.D.A.Y, open everyone’s door now.” He stormed over to the other rooms, finding identical envelopes to his own. Grabbing each one he journeyed to your room, hoping to see if this were just some sick prank. He’d hoped to find you sitting in your room quietly painting, and when he came in the two of you would laugh and everything would go back to normal. Swinging open your door, what he had hoped to find was nowhere in sight. The former lilac walls were now a solid grey and the room smelled of paint, the smiling photos of you and the other team members no longer covered the wall above your desk, and your tiny trinkets were missing. And you were nowhere to be found.

“F.R.I.D.A.Y! How long ago did Y/N leave?” He wiped his tears away as he awaited the AI’s answer.

“Less an hour ago Mr. Barnes, she instructed me to empty her room once she departed.” Slamming his hand on the wall he sunk to the floor. He was supposed to be keeping an eye on you, but instead, he let you slip away. And the others, he couldn’t believe that the others had pushed you as far as they did. He knew they were hard on you, they pushed you much farther than the previous recruits. But, Steve always said it was because they knew you had potential. This time they had gone too far, and they’d chased you away.

“W-where did she go? I want all security footage of her from the time she left her room until she made it to the street.”

“Ms. Y/N seemed to avoid the cameras through the tower. The last footage before Ms. Y/N enters the crowd is this video, facial recognition got a hit but afterward she disappears Mr. Barnes.” The video plays in front of him, showing you taking one last look at the tower before he lost you in the midst of the lunch rush crowd. Quietly he moved to the living room and brought up the video on the large tv, his eyes repeatedly scanning the video as it looped over and over. He sat there for hours, rewatching and rewatching, hoping to pinpoint your exact movements before you went out of frame. He had been focusing so hard he hadn’t even noticed that the quinjet had returned to the tower, he jumped and turned ready to fight when an unknown hand touched his shoulder.

“Whoa, Buck! Hey, it’s me... Steve.” The soft blue eyes of the blonde man met his with concern. Anger boiled in Bucky’s chest, he could see the other members of the team staring at him, and not even knowing what they had done to her. Not even knowing they pushed his Y/N away from him.

“I know damn well who it is, and I hope all of you are proud of what you’ve done.” He huffed shoving past Steve, heading toward the kitchen and grabbing the other letters you penned. He could feel the strange looks he was getting but he didn’t care anymore. Without you here, he had no one to be a gentleman for.

“What do you mean what we’ve done? What are yo— ,” Steve’s voice was silenced as Bucky shoved the envelope to his chest.

“Read it...now Steve. And most of you have a letter as well, come over here and get it.” His eyes bore into each of his teammates as they came to collect their individual letter. He stood, letting himself calm a little before catching the reactions of everyone. Natasha and Clint stood in silence, shaking their heads in disappointment at themselves. Bruce dropped to the couch, his hands immediately going to cover his eyes in a poor attempt to hide the tears that had already been spotted. Tony simply turned away from everyone, playing it off that he was just looking out the window and while it may have fooled the others Bucky knew better. Wanda’s hands shook as she finished reading the note, and for once Sam was left speechless. Bucky then turned his attention to his best friend in front of him, who now hung his head in shame. 

“I-i didn’t know she felt this way..” Steve mumbled, and turned to look at the others, “Did any of you know? Wanda? I mean come on you two were close?” 

“I...I had no idea, I was her best friend and I had no idea all this time.” Wanda’s voice shook as she took a spot next to Bruce on the couch. “I can read minds for Christ’s sake and I didn’t know how badly she was hurting. How could I have been so blind?” Vision moved to comfort the Sokovian quietly, he and Peter had been the only two to not receive a letter.

“What about you Nat? You had to have sensed something was off.” Steve’s voice grew more frustrated as he looked around at everyone, searching for an answer. Only to be met with short mumbles of “I don’t know..” or just plain silence. Sighing, Steve then turned to face his best friend without answers.

“Bucky I didn’t think—“ And with those four words, the dam holding back Bucky’s anger broke.

“Exactly Steve, none of you thought about how she felt! Instead, you pushed her and you continued to push her until she broke! And even then none you took notice to how much damage you had really done!” His breathing was erratic, and his heart was pounding with frustration as he took a step toward Steve.

“We just wanted her to be better James, and you know that.” Nat’s stern voice broke through the tension that was seated between him and Steve. “You knew how much potential she had in her, and still does. We wanted her to be able to harness that power and learn to control it.”

“Oh yeah, Nat? Because harnessing all that power will do none of us any good if she fucking falls into a pit of depression because of everything you put her through! The things we all put her through!” At this point, he could feel the hot tears beginning to fall as he included himself in this blame game. He was supposed to be there for you and instead he let you push him away without a second thought. Dropping to his knees he felt the pain of your absence in his heart and he hated how empty it made him feel. Before he knew it, he could feel the soft pressure of a hand rubbing his back. Looking up his eyes met Sam’s first and then moved to see Steve’s.

“We will find her Buck alright? We’ll find her and bring her back to you, and we will fix all of this.” The Brooklyn man’s voice soothed him, as he could hear Tony behind him barking out orders to F.R.I.D.A.Y to run a full facial recognition scan to find you. Nat and Clint mentioned something of searching through your previous apartments and left the room. Wanda made herself busy trying to find you through her mind, along with the help of Vision.

“W-when you find her can I bring her back? I know I can get her to come home Steve, please just let me try ” Nodding quietly Steve agreed as he pulled him upright from the floor. 

“Of course you can, can’t have anyone else going to get your best girl right?” Steve smiled as he wrapped an arm around Bucky’s back, the two heading to assist their friends in finding you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> plz leave comments they are literally what I thrive off of :)


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After leaving the tower you make your way back to an old hideaway, while the team searches relentlessly for you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was written at a very mentally trying time for me and I was trying to find some outlet for all of it, so I wrote it into this. Please be aware of the portrayal of any of the characters in a negative light is NOT meant as hate and is purely used for an outlet to represent my dark thoughts and feelings at this period of my life.

 

 

**_Y/N’s POV_ **

You kept your head down and stayed silent as you made your way through the busy streets of New York. Avoiding the eyes of the continuous line of passing strangers you made your way until you found yourself in a familiar neighborhood. Your eyes jumped from building to building, noticing that much hadn’t changed since the last time you’d been around. Not even the small apartment complex that you formerly called home. You could still see the Henderson’s cat lurking in the window, and the familiar sounds of the Blake siblings arguing welcomed you as soon as you stepped into the building. Smiling to yourself you pulled the set of spare keys from your pocket as you made your way to the Winchester’s apartment, knowing it would most likely be empty. Turning the key you shoved against the door until it eventually gave way.

You sighed softly as you glanced around the musty apartment, before dropping your bag beside the door. Shoving up your sleeves you pulled back each set of curtains and opened the windows, allowing new air to rid the space of the old. Dusting off your hands you flopped down on the worn-out sofa that sat against the wall, allowing yourself to think about the first time you’d been here. The Winchester brothers had kept the apartment rented out just in case they needed a place to stay while in town, so Sam had offered to let you live here while you were getting back on your feet after the two helped save you from your ex. Graciously, you had accepted, knowing that this apartment would be a good start for you.

It took a while to become home after that, but you managed for a few months until you were discovered by Tony, who quickly charmed his way into your life and whisked you off to a better and more secure life at the tower. Now though, the ugly paint-chipped walls and creaky floors would never feel like the home it once had. Not since your heart and head called the arms of Bucky Barnes home, you knew that you’d never find that feeling again. But, you knew this was for the best, not only for you but for everyone.

* * *

 

**_Bucky’s POV_ **

Exhaustion washed over his body as Bucky lifted himself from the couch, it had been nearly three weeks since you left the tower without a trace. His nightmares had returned since then, along with his mood swings. He couldn’t sleep knowing you weren’t here, knowing whether you were safe or not is what tore him up inside the most. You could be dead in a ditch for all he knew, HYDRA could’ve taken you But, before his mind could journey further down the rabbit hole, F.R.I.D.A.Ys voice filled the room, cutting off his train of thought.

“Mr. Stark has requested your presence, Mr. Barnes, he has found Y/N’s loc—“ before the AI finished Bucky was sprinting out of his room, making his way to Tony’s lab in seconds. When he arrived he could see Steve, Clint, and Natasha were already present, peering at the different screens around the room. Photos of you were spread throughout the lab, different angles coming from the various security cameras around the city, but never in the same location twice. Tears pooled at his eyes as he looked you over, your long hair was now much shorter and you seemed to be a bit thinner. But, none of that mattered to him, just as long as you were alive.

“Nice of you to finally join us, Winter. Take a seat we may have found your girlfriend.” Tony smiled, moving across the room bring up all the photos at once. He silently flipped through them as Nat brought up a map with a series of red X's scattered across a neighborhood.

“We’ve managed to catch her on these grocery shop cameras, and all of them triangulate around this section of Hell’s Kitchen.” Picking up a marker she moved to circle the section of apartments that you may be hiding out in, “We will divide and conquer, Sam and Steve will go through the apartment closest to the train station, Clint and I will pair off into these two buildings and Bucky and Wanda will be placed in this one.”  She nodded to each of the members, confirming their positions.

And if any of you find her call for Bucky immediately, do not try and engage her on your own, she may see us as a threat. Buck is the best chance we have of getting her back and trying to fix what all of us have done.” Steve added, giving each of them a solemn look. Individually they all nodded, recalling their own mistakes that helped contribute to this mess. 

“If you happen to engage her, just let her know we are here to apologize for what we caused. We are not trying to show her powers off to the world if the wrong people learn exactly what Y/N can do. We will be in far worse trouble than this.” Tony continued, but before he could go on F.R.I.D.A.Y interrupted the small meeting.

“Sir, we have gotten another hit on miss Y/N’s location, but I’m afraid she may be in trouble. Shall I bring up the footage?” 

“Of course, throw it on all screens.” He answered quickly, waiting for the various screens to come to life. Bucky held his breath as he watched the evening news pop up on the screen. “ _Mysterious woman saves a group of schoolchildren from a bus accident; but who is this new superhero?”_ The group listened to the anchorwoman as she listed off Y/N’s looks, and her guesses as exactly who she was, while the video played in the background. 

“ _The young woman couldn’t be more than twenty Jim, are we getting any more information in about this new superhero in the already famous Hell’s Kitchen? Is she a caped crusader much like Daredevil, or she is a walking wrecking ball much like Private Investigator Jessica Jones? Stay tuned until 7, when we dive more in-depth to find out who this woman is.”_ As the tv cut off the room remained quiet, until Bucky decided to break the silence.

“We have to find her now, she’s been exposed. She’s not safe, and it’s only a matter of time before HYDRA tries to get to her.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> plz leave comments they are literally what I thrive off of :)


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As you try to get off the grid, its battle to see who can get to you first, Bucky....or HYDRA.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was written at a very mentally trying time for me and I was trying to find some outlet for all of it, so I wrote it into this. Please be aware of the portrayal of any of the characters in a negative light is NOT meant as hate and is purely used for an outlet to represent my dark thoughts and feelings at this period of my life.

 

**_Y/N’s POV_ **

“ _The young woman couldn’t be more than twenty Jim, are we getting any more information in about this new superhero in the already famous Hell’s Kitchen? Is she a caped crusader much like Daredevil, or she is a walking wrecking ball much like Private Investigator Jessica Jones? Stay tuned until 7, when we dive more in-depth to find out who this woman is.”_ I scoffed at the tv in the diner went silent, transitioning into reruns of Whose Line is it Anyway. You pushed the last piece of your cherry pie around the plate once more. 

“You finished sweetheart? From the looks of it, you ain’t got no appetite, and based off of that news brief, you should be getting home.” Your head jerked upright as you tugged your hood to cover more of your face. 

“W-wha- how did you know that it was me?”

“Those eyes could be recognized anywhere darling, doesn’t matter if you got your hood up or not. That red flair you have got makes you easy to spot in a normal crowd like this.” Fumbling with your bag you pulled out a twenty and slid it over the counter to her but she simply shook her head and waved your attempt away. 

“Use that money to get yourself out of here.” She nodded her head towards the entrance, you recognized the men that were entering as the HYDRA agents from the base you, Steve and Bucky had raided just weeks before. “Emergency exit is by the women’s restroom, be quick, I’ll stall them.” 

You quietly mouthed a thank you as you made your way to the exit, ducking outside as you began to sprint for home. Shuffling through the alleys, you keep your eyes forward and your feet moving, even as your lungs began to burn and ache. Your breaths got louder as your feet led you back up the walkway to your apartment building, continuing your jog you made your way up the stairs and smashed the lock with your powers before bursting into your room. Grabbing your bag you frantically began packing your clothes and belongings, in the midst of your panic the hair on neck and arms stood, signaling the arrival of someone else. Moving quietly to the door, you could hear the frantic heartbeat of the person who stood in the hall, closing your eyes your hands began to heat up as you ripped open the door.

* * *

 

**_Bucky’s POV_ **

Bucky kept his head down as he weaved in and out of the crowd on the train platform. Sam flanked him on the right before he splitting from the group and heading towards one of the alleyways. 

“Comms up, I’m on my route and Bucky is about to make his way down the main street. Tony, Rhodey, and Clint have eyes in the sky, Natasha and Wanda positions?” Sam questioned as he disappeared from Bucky’s line a vision, allowing Natasha’s voice to break through the comms. 

“Wanda and I are waiting outside the grocery store she frequents, so far we have nothing but it may take a while. Still, everyone keep your eyes peeled, we need to find her before anyone else does.” He huffed in agreement as the others voiced theirs, and made his way to the coffee shop he was placed at. Keeping his head down he shuffled in and took a seat in the back corner, his eyes shifting to each passerby and the various customers that filed in during the morning rush. It was nearly an hour later and his patience was wearing thin listening to Sam and Clint bicker over the comms about which had the better superhero name. He nearly sighed with relief when Wanda’s Sokovian accent came through his ears. 

“Listen, if both of you don’t shut up in five seconds I will give both of you vivid images of the other naked in your dreams for the next six months.” Bucky chuckled as quietly to himself as the pair seemed to silence themselves immediately, allowing Tony’s panicked voice to come through loud and clear.

“I got her! She’s running through the back alleys and we have company. Looks like HYDRA may have caught wind of her location like we did, Nat I need you and Wanda to get in between her and them. She looks like she is heading back to her apartment, meet her there winter.” 

He was up within seconds then, sprinting out the door towards Y/N’s location, he needed to get to her first. He couldn’t let them destroy her as they destroyed him, he couldn’t let it happen to his Y/N. Weaving in and out of alleys he could see her apartment building just up ahead, and he watched the outline of her body disappear through the door. Slowing down, he stayed back for a few seconds to scan the area, making sure no one had been able to follow her this far. 

“I’m about to head up to her apartment now, keep those agents busy. I’m going in.” Pulling his hat down he jogged across the street and up the stairs, following the wet footprints all the way to her door. He hesitated before he knocked, shuffling on his feet, nervousness washed over him. Before his fist even had a chance to touch the door, it swung open hard and a force sent him flying back against the wall behind him. 

“B-bucky?” 

* * *

 

**_Y/N’s POV_ **

Your eyes widened as you recognized the figure who stood in front of you. His red henley was covered in dirt, while the navy blue hat managed to hide most of his face, but you had recognized that smile anywhere.

“B-bucky?”

“Alive and in the flesh sweetheart, mind putting me down?” You waved away the blue mist from your hands, releasing Bucky’s neck from your grip you watched as his feet dropped back to the floor. Moving backward you stepped out of his way, allowing him to enter the small apartment.

“Glad to see you’re packing, we need to get you out of here and back to the tower.” He took a few steps around as rolled your eyes and continued packing, hiding the photo of the two of you in the bottom of your duffle.

“I’m not going back Bucky, I won’t do it. I need more time and I need to get out of here by myself. And I’m not going back to that tower with people who do nothing but treat me like shit.” You scoffed.

“Y/N, don’t you dare fight me on this,” his voice deepened while simultaneously getting much louder, “You are coming back with us and that's how we are going to handle this situation, no if and's or buts. Do you hear me? Being out there alone will not be good for you! You need us a-and I need you, I won’t let you give up right now.” 

“I can’t do this anymore Bucky! Let me just give up, so let me just let go... please,” You yelled back, tears streaming down your face as you turned to face the brunette. You sighed softly, as you took a step toward him. 

“If this isn't good for me, I don't wanna know. I need to be on my own for a while Buck, I need time to fix what they broke alright?” You mumbled, wiping the remaining tears from your face as his eyes failed to meet yours. “I need time to fix what you broke too.” His chest rose and fell slowly as he thought carefully at his next words.

“Y/N, you can have your time alright? But you can have your time and space back at the tower where I can know you are safe! P-please just come back to us.” His voice shook as he locked eyes with you.

“Let me just stop trying, let me just stop fighting Bucky. I don’t have it in me anymore. I don’t want to go back to the tower and have space because I’ll still feel the same way I did before! I need this time away, I need time to get my mind and heart back on the same page.” Shaking your head to gripped your bag tightly as you moved closer to him, laying your hand on his arm.

“We can work on that together doll, you can start seeing the therapist I’ve been going to! You are alright Y/N, and even if you don’t see it I do. All of us can get you the help you want, but you need to come back.” He moved gently to hold your hand into his, giving it a gentle squeeze.

“I don't want your good advice or reasons why I'm alright Bucky, I want to rebuild myself on my own. You don't know what it's like for me, and you never will, so can you just please let me leave in peace.” He lifted your hand up to his lips and pressed a gentle kiss to your knuckles. 

“Promise me you will be careful? Please just promise me that you won’t do anything stupid.” His gentle blue eyes were filled with tears, threatening to spill over as he spoke. 

“I can’t promise much and you know that, especially with HYDRA on my tail. I’ll come back someday soon alright? But, for now, I have to go.” A small sob escaped your lips as he pulled you into his arms, finally allowing his tears to fall on your shoulder as he held you tightly. 

“I love you Y/N, I love you so much...I-i don’t think I can let you go.”

“As a good friend once told me, you can love someone and still let them go James. And right now you have to let me go.” Pulling back you wiped a stray tear from his cheek as you pressed a gentle kiss to his lips. Moving out of his arms you dropped his hands and made your way out the door, leaving behind the love of your life once again. Keeping your head down as you left out of the back, you continued wiping away the tears that you feared may never cease. The tears of goodbye.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Congratulations! You've made it to the end of You Don't Know, thank you so much for reading the series and (hopefully!) enjoying it. I also hope you don't hate me too much for the ending :). I am in the process of making a sequel and hope to have the first chapter up within a few weeks. Be sure to check back for the continuation of this story.


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